Dear Mike Huckabee:
I’m sorry. I apologize for having the vapors right now as I am a woman and the vapors come to me quite easily. Especially when my libido is out of control which it usually is. I am short of breath and I can’t find my favorite corset to put on at this moment.
Once again, I apologize. As I am a woman, I guess that is what you need from me.
I would like to thank former Governor and failed presidential candidate Huckabee for discussing my helplessness. I mean, I guess now that he told me I needed assistance, I do. You know, because he told me of my second-class status and my lustful behavior to a bunch of folks at a GOP convention. This also explains why Viagra is more important than birth control and that the insurance companies as well as political organizations push this message so vehemently. And my pesky reproductive system has demanded that I have a fainting couch at every location that I visit, including Wal-Mart.. No one knows when I’m going to fall out sweating profusely as you just never know when my worrisome libido is going to kick in. My job as a woman is to stalk men and be available at anytime to garner affection from the opposite sex, I get that I guess but being that I had endometriosis most of my adult life and a hysterectomy at the tender age of 40, I guess my worth is a bit lower than snail slime. I appreciate your feedback. As I had a flat tire this morning (true story) I realize you will arrive in Nashville tomorrow to change that said flat tire. I await our cavalry.
Oh, how you nailed it Huckabee.
“Republicans no longer accept listening to Democrats talk about a ‘war on women,’” he said, speaking at the Republican National Committee’s winter meeting in Washington. “Republicans don’t have a war on women. [We] have a war for women — for them to be empowered to be something other than victims of their gender.”
As a victim of my gender, there is so many things I need to say. So the government is here to help? Dang skippy!! Who knew you were here to help me and all the women in the country. This is good to know! I thank you, I do.
I don’t know what I’d do without you. I thank you for your sincere concern.
Also, if you come to my house, let me know as I will have all of my friends of the female persuasion throw that fainting couch at you.
The tire will already be changed.